Home
Lottery Odds
Quotes
Funnies
Buffy
Geocaching
Shopping
Links

In Association with Amazon.co.uk

This section covers various things that make me laugh, which I've collected over the years from books, websites, TV programs and radio. I hope you enjoy them too...

Insurance Claim Quotes Kids Quotes CV Gaffes
Words To Live By Losing Something in Translation? I Wonder...
Definitions The Parents Dictionary Men's Thoughts About Women
Air Force Maintenance Silly Signs "Colemanballs"
Employee Performance Social Security Requests Don't You Just Hate it When...
Useful Put-Downs Alternative Dictionary Writing Tips


"Colemanballs"

Colemanballs are something of a British tradition - another term for "opening your mouth and putting your foot in it" named for Sports presenter David Coleman, who came out with more than a few priceless comments.

  • "Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman)
  • "Ah! Isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew" (Harry Carpenter)
  • "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" (Ron Atkinson)
  • "Henry Horton's got a funny stance. It looks as if he's shitting on a shooting stick." (Brian Johnstone)
  • "She's not Ben Johnson - but then who is?" (David Coleman)
  • "Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot." (Ray Wilkins)
  • "I never make predictions and I never will." (Paul Gascoigne)
  • "The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball" (John Francombe)
  • "The tide is very much in our court now" (Kevin Keegan)
  • "Hopefully next season we will achieve a situation where we are playing with level goalposts" (Chris Robertson)
  • "The team must try to get their ship back on the road" (Ray Wilkins)
  • "Mick McCarthy will have to replace Cascarino because he's quickly running out of legs" (Mark Lawrenson)
  • "A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm, and it nearly came off" (Kevin Keegan)
  • "They are taking these holes by the neck and squeezing the birdies out of them" (Ian Baker-Finch)
  • "They've really got the bit between their legs now" (Bobby Ham)
  • "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables)
  • "He?s started anticipating what?s going to happen before it?s even happened.? (Graeme Le Saux)
  • "Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" (Ron Atkinson)
  • "The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game" (Kevin Keegan)
  • "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" (Bobby Robson)
  • "We say 'educated left foot'. Of course, there are many players with educated right foots." (Ron Jones)
  • "Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists" (David Vine)
  • They needed that goal to stop the rot, because they were slowly sinking to the bottom, very very quickly (Mark Lawrenson)
  • I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones (Chris Turner, then Peterborough manager)
  • That's twice now he (Terry Phelan) has got between himself and the goal (Brain Marwood)
  • Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve (John Grieg)
  • He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him (Bobby Robson)
  • That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice (Trevor Brooking)
  • Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson (Ron Greenwood)
  • We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half (Kevin Keegan)
  • He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces (Ron Atkinson)
  • He's carrying his left leg, which, to be honest, is his only leg (Steve Coppell)